Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
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Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
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Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon