i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
