I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
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Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
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I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me