I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.