it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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