Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.