Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
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make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
She's allergic to latex.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
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I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees