I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
