Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
