You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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