I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
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My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
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And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
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