I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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