we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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