i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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