i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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