I'm gonna have a badass scar
so explain again why im purple
no
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
