How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
