you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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