only you would photoshop your dick
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
