Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
