i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
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