you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
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The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
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She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
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