we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
