my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
As shirtless as possible
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
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