he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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