hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
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There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
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I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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