I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
