woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Randomize
