i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
