What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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