True but thats because hes a fetus.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Randomize
