You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
