PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
