yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
