did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
