As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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