I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
