This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
