My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Randomize
