Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
