I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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