Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
