I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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