You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
