The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
