that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
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I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
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We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
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