you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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