I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I think my vagina is haunted
My cat gives me a boner
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
