i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Randomize
