I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
