he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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