My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
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Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
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Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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