it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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