a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
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we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
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She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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