I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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