You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
