you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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