hotel room ftw
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
