No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I am naked and annoyed.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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