I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
These 21 People Came Up With Hilarious Excuses For Their Hickies
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU