You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.