I'm jealous of your bromance
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
