I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.