Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it

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(406): View more from Montana

Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.

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(917): View more from New York City

i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities

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(216): View more from Ohio

I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.

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21 Reasons You’ll Be Forever Alone
Read it at the TFLN blog
(860): View more from Connecticut

Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.

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(757): View more from Virginia

The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.

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(517): View more from Michigan

Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?

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(250): View more from British Columbia

Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious

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(937): View more from Ohio

That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.

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