I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.