watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.