i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
