I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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