I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
