I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
