Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Randomize
