OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
