I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
