Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Randomize
