Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
