Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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