i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
