Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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