If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I'm like, not good at living.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize