Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Randomize
