I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
