I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
