i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
