party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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