hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
