I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
