Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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